By Arnold

I love the short yellow school bus! Riding the bus is fun! I ride the bus to school every day, but I also ride the bus to other places, too. When I go on trips with Miss Lang and everybody in the special-needs class, we all get on the bus and go to the zoo or the planetarium. One time, we ate pizza at Pizza Hut, and we took the bus then, too. And you know what? Someday, I'm going to drive the bus myself!

Sometimes, when I am on the bus, I hold my Dallas Cowboys hat in my hands and turn it and pretend that I am driving the bus. Sometimes, even when I am not on the bus, I also think about driving the bus, too. Even when I am sleeping, sometimes I have a dream that I'm driving the bus, and when I wake up, I am sad that I woke up and am not driving the bus anymore.

Right now, I am only 53. But when I get older, I am going to be a grown-up and get a job as the bus driver. But I have to be a grown-up first. When you're a grown-up, you get a driver license with your picture on it. My older brother Mark said I don't need to worry about getting a driver license, because he will take me anywhere I want. But that is silly! I am going to get my own driver license and drive the bus! Mark reminded me what happened with my bicycle last year and said that maybe driving the bus isn't a good idea. But I know I can do it! I can drive the bus! I just need to work extra, extra, extra, extra hard!

I'm going to always pay attention in my Skills For Living class. And I'm going to do all the exercises with Mr. Festge when he comes in for Motor-Coordination Hour. Even when I want to go look out the window at the lawn-mower man instead of sitting at my desk and doing my clock worksheet, I won't. I'll sit in my seat and be extra, extra, extra, extra good.

Daryl W. was in our class last year, but he graduated at the end of the year because he was 18. He got to wear a graduation dress and walk up on the stage, and Mr. Culver gave him a book, and everybody in the whole place cheered. Now Daryl W. works at the grocery store, and he gets to use a sprayer and spray off the vegetables so they stay green. Just like Daryl W., I'm going to get a job when I'm older. Only my job is going to be being the bus driver!

Right now, our bus driver is Mr. Timmons. And he gets paid for driving the bus! But it's so fun driving the bus, I would do it for free! Someday, it will be me being nice to all the kids on the bus and calling them "Mr." and "Mrs." to be funny. It will be me who helps everyone get their boots on and yells, "Look at the chickens!" when we drive past the ostrich farm.

Every day on the bus, I am watching carefully so that when it is my job to drive the bus, I will remember which tree to turn at. When I am the bus driver, I'll get to wear a blue jacket that says "Walter" on it, just like the one Mr. Timmons wears. I'll keep it very clean and never put it on the floor of the bus where it can get dirty. I'll never leave a sandwich in the pocket, either, unless I plan to eat it that same day.

I'll get to go and pick up all of my friends on the bus. Only, we won't just go where it says on the schedule. We'll get to go wherever we want, because I will be driving! If we see a dog on the side of the road, somebody will say, "Pull over!" and I will pull over, and we will all get out and pet the dog or even take him for a ride if he wants to go. I would go fast around the corners because it makes everybody laugh when their knapsacks fall on the floor. And when we go over the railroad tracks, I won't be a slow poke and stop even though there is no train coming.

On Monday, I will drive to Hawaii, and on Tuesday, I will drive to the Super Bowl. And on all the other days, I will drive other places, too! At the end of the day, I will drive the bus back to the place where they keep all the buses at night, the place I saw when I fell asleep in the back of the bus that time. And I would get to look at all the buses in a row!

I told my teacher Mr. Reese that I want to be a bus driver. He said maybe instead I should think about working at the Walgreens or feeding animals at the pet store. I said, 'No! I want to drive the bus!' He said that maybe I should get a job cleaning the buses, which he said is a very important job because if no one cleans the buses, no one will want to ride on them. What a silly-billy! Doesn't he know what a bus driver does? He drives the bus! Being a bus driver is the only thing I want to do in the whole wide world! I can't wait!

This story originally appeared in "The Onion". The author's name was changed for added humor.