I recently found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania). The cost is not bad for what you get, at $300 US$ per person per day. What I found enticing is that the cruise company is encouraging people to bring their 'high powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties with free cocktails every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights. All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package:
- $300.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day/night minimum)
- M-16 full auto rental $25.00/day, 100 rounds of 5.56 NATO ammo for $40.00
- AK-47 rifle @ No charge. 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo for $25.00
- Barrett M-107 .50 cal sniper rifle rental 55.00/day, .50 BMG ammo at $4.00 per round.
- Deck-mounted General Electric 7.62 NATO Minigun @ $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire
- Crew members can double as spotters for $30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).
- They even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and $200 for 3 standard loads.
- "Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."
- Meals are not included but seem reasonable.
They advertise group rates and corporate discounts......and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"
They even offer a partial money back if not satisfied....here's some text from the ad.
"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund back half your money including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before Feb 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."
As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials:
"I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!"
Lars,Hamburg Germany
"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12 yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English"
Ned, Salt Lake city, Utah USA
"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in Viet Nam. Don't worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in The Nam"
"Chopper" Dan, Toledo USA.
"It was like shooting puppies in a barrel, man! They turned the ship around and we saw them bleed and cry in the water like little schoolgirls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks—what a laugh riot!! This is a must do.
Zeke, Minnahaw Springs, Kentucky USA
To book your Somali Pirate Cruise Package, call my parents' travel agency at 218-727-8711 and ask for Earl. He'll hook you up.
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